Power Of Silence After Break Up: 6 Tips For Using It

Does the trick of silence after a breakup work? This is something that people are advised to do after a breakup or separation. Some people believe that being silent and not having any form of communication with their ex after a breakup is a way of “punishing them” and showing them what they miss, but I believe it has a deeper meaning than that.

Taking the route of silence after a breakup should be an excellent time for you to have self-reflection. This is the period you take time to reflect on what you did, what you could have done, and what your fault for the relationship to end was. I mean, we can’t be perfect as everyone plays a role in the relationship, right!

Well, in this article, we go deeper into understanding the power of silence after a breakup, the benefits of taking a moment, its effects on both individuals, and how long it should take.

Benefits Of The Power Of Silence After Breakup

1. Encourages self-reflection

The number one benefit of going into silence mode after a breakup is that both of you can reflect on yourself. At times we lose ourselves when we get to a relationship whereby we invest too much of our being in that relationship. You forget to put yourself sometimes such that your life revolves around your partner.

So, in the case where you stop communicating with your ex, this is the time where you start to focus on yourself. You get time to know and understand what you did wrong in the relationship or what you could have done better.

Beautiful woman enjoying herself alone.

You get the opportunity to analyze the situation and understand if you gave too much of yourself, which was unhealthy, or too little effort. You get the opportunity to know if the relationship built you on an individual level, or it just drained you to the point that you forgot about your worth.

Note that this is not something you go through alone, as your partner will also have time to reflect on the relationship and themselves on an individual level. From that, both of you will decide if you want to be in the relationship or go separate ways.

2. Hallows you to heal

After a stormy separation or breakup, the first thing you want to achieve is to heal. Keeping a constant relationship with your ex will do you more harm than good. For instance, if the ex is the one who ended things with you, then they will have a chance to either intentionally or unintentionally continue hurting you.

I mean one, they will keep on ignoring you since they don’t want to talk to you or feel you are invading their space. The ex may continually remind you that you are not suitable for them, and sometimes people in love don’t take rejection lightly.

You will keep tabs on your ex and what they are doing, and believe me, seeing your ex moving on and being happy without you will cause more heartache. Silence after a breakup means avoiding your ex and this includes not following what they do with their lives and what goes on social media.

You live like they don’t exist in your mental and emotional space, which in return creates a platform where you can heal. Always remember that healing is one step to figuring yourself out again after a breakup.

3. It Gives A Chance For Better Decisions Making

You have been silent for more than three months, and you were doing well, if not better, without your ex around. The things that you felt you could not do or achieve, you have achieved effortlessly.

You thought you could not live a day without them, but you have stayed for three or more months without your ex. This is the time you take a step back and ask yourself, “Was the relationship worth it?” or “Do I need such a relationship back?”

A man sitting while thinking deeply.

The answer depends on how you were while in the relationship and how you are now. Sometimes relationships get to the point of toxicity, but both parties cannot figure it out. When you are at the level of co-dependent with your partner, no matter how much you hurt each other, you still stay together; this ends up draining the two of you emotionally, physically, and even spiritually.

So, if you were in such a relationship, you need to take time and make a good decision about it. I mean, you have had enough time to understand yourself and figure out what kind of relationship you deserve to be in. Therefore, if what your partner was giving is not what you need, you will be able to decide not to go back together.

But, if the both of you get back to communication mode and decide to work on your relationship, well, go for it.

4. You Are In Control Again

It doesn’t matter if you were the one hurt or you hurt your ex, but cutting communication with an ex gives you power. It is a clear indication that you can live, make decisions, and thrive without them in your life. This gives the power of “I am in control of my life and success.”

5. Allows Your Ex To Miss You

Well, I bet you have been waiting for this point, but it works. No matter how bad the breakup was or the unfulfilling relationship was, rest assured that a time will come when your ex will miss you. In between all the madness, you had great times, and created memories of love, care, and support, and attracted each other.

A young woman thinks of her ex-boyfriend represented by a shadow.

Hence, your ex is bound to miss all that, and if they want you back, they will for sure look for you. But at this moment the decision lies in your hands. Do you want to go back to your ex, or did you realize the relationship was not good for you?

How To Use The Power Of Silence After Break Up

Putting the power of silence into practice is not easy, and sometimes people cannot apply it. But it is essential for you to precisely and your ex too. So, if you are in such a situation and would like to exercise the power of silence, here is a guide to help you execute it.

1. Delete Everything That Reminds You Of Them

You have taken pictures together; you have their text messages and other things you have shared while in the relationship. If so, you need to erase everything that reminds you of them. Take this as a chance to start over alone, without your ex in the picture. So, erasing their memory in your phone will quicken your healing process as you are not constantly reminded of them when you use your phone.

Note that this includes deleting their phone numbers from your phone. Although you know their numbers off the head, go ahead and delete them as it will be hard to fall into the temptations of calling them when you get to a vulnerable moment and you need someone to talk to.

2. Unfollow Them On Socials

A woman surfing social media in car.

Imagine you are still grieving the breakup, but while swiping your Facebook page, you see a picture of your ex with a man or woman, and they seem happy? This would break you as it shows clearly your ex has moved on and is happy without you. You may get agitated and end up calling your ex to ask them why they have moved on without you, or it will devastate you and make you even sadder.

Hence, to avoid all these and more, erase your ex on all social media. If they are still nagging you and reaching out yet you are not ready for communication, block them from your social media channels. If you are still following each other, unfollow them and forget they ever existed in your list of social media friends.

3. Avoid Your Familiar Places

If what attracted you to your ex were your mutual outdoor activities or particular joints that you enjoyed visiting, be sure you will run to them once in a while in such places, which is not healthy. Instead, find other hobbies that you enjoyed before meeting your ex. This is the time to make new friends and step out of your comfort zone to try new things without your ex around.

4. Journal Your Feelings

Happy young woman writing a diary in nature.

Journaling your feelings is therapeutical since you are renting out your feelings. As we all know, expressing or letting out our feelings works magic in helping us move on and calm down. So, instead of calling your ex to vent and tell them how miserable you are without them, how about you write all that down.

Write down what you are feeling, what you are thinking, and what you want to achieve.

For example, do you want to build yourself and a career, or do you want to move on and find a better love? All these things are to be included in your vents journal.

5. Avoid Their Friends

Well, we are not encouraging you to hate their friends or entirely avoid them when you meet outdoors. But any form of communication with them should be cut off too. Many people make the mistake of contacting their ex’s friends as a way of getting information about their exes, but this is a wrong move. They are your ex’s friends and thus, only owe loyalty to him.

You get more confusion and maybe confrontation from your ex if their friends tell them about you contacting them. So, not unless they are your mutual friend, your ex’s friends should remain their friends after a separation respectively.

6. Self-Honesty Is One Step To Becoming Better

A man contemplating on deep thoughts while seating in the room.

Regardless of what you are feeling or experiencing, being honest with yourself is crucial. If you were the one in the wrong, you need to hold yourself accountable and figure out what you could have done to save the relationship or avoid getting into such a situation.

If your ex was not into you, but you kept pushing the relationship, you need to come to terms that they don’t love you the same, and it is okay.

This last point sums up to you moving on and deciding whether you want to win your ex over or find someone else.

What Is The Effect Of Silence On You After Breakup?

Being silent after a breakup is like taking a step back to figure yourself out. This gives you time to reflect on what went wrong, caused your relationship to get to that point, and how the relationship has affected your life.

Analyzing all this helps you make a solid decision of whether the relationship was worth it or if you are better off moving on with your life. Also, it helps you to take time and heal from the heartache.

What effect will silence after break up have on your ex?

This depends on the terms that the relationship ended. If the ex is the one who broke up with you because they did not want to continue a relationship with you, then they will enjoy it.

But, if you both talked about having a break, the silence period will give your ex a chance to reflect on your relationship and even miss you. It allows them to rethink things and think of what he is missing without you around.

So, it can either bring them back to you or make them entirely forget about you and move on with another person.

How Long Should You Stay Silent After A Breakup?

It depends on why you want to practice the power of silence in the first place. Do you want to take the opportunity to keep your ex off so you can move with your life? Well, in such a case, it can go for as long as you want until the both of you don’t have feelings for each other.

Then, you can maybe resume communication as friends and not as lovers. However, if you want you and your ex to take a break and figure out where you want your relationship to be, then a month or two months is enough to figure things out.


The power of silence after a breakup is recommendable to every couple that has undergone separation or breakup since it helps both parties to focus on themselves and reflect on their relationship. If the relationship has not been building you, this period will help you figure out if moving on alone and finding someone else is the best choice or not.

Sometimes people need a break to miss each other, and in such a case, this practice can help you build your relationship but separately. If your ex is not ready to resume communication or does not want to talk to you give them their space and respect their decision. You never know! Maybe your better half is out there waiting for you.

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About Hugh Vinson

Hi there! My name is Hugh, and I am the owner and founder of GentlemenCenter. From Texas, USA, and with 2 sons in recent years I have had the experience of raising 2 young men. I am here to share my experiences with you, and help you with any questions you may have!

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