Signs He’s Hurting After A Breakup: What You Should Do

Have you been through a breakup? Do you want to know how your ex feels? Here are 11 signs he is hurting after the break-up, as well as what it implies and what you should do about it.

These Are 11 Signs He Is Hurting After the Breakup

  1. You’ve been unfriended or removed from social media by him
  2. Your ex is trying to avoid you
  3. Talking about you in a demeaning way
  4. Negative consequences
  5. Rebounding or failing at dating
  6. Impulsive behavior
  7. Your ex is always contacting you
  8. A sense of remorse
  9. Regressing to previous life patterns
  10. Making the same mistakes again and over again
  11. He uses social media to convey negative messages.

There are many different ways to tell if your ex is still hurting after the end of your relationship. There are large and little ones. Signs that your ex is hurting and needs time to heal are still present, however minor they may be.

Dumpers, though not necessarily in the same emotional state as dumpees, nevertheless go through several stages of distress. As a result, many of the dumpees don’t grasp this. Dumpees assume that their ex-partner isn’t hurting because the indicators of a hurting ex aren’t always obvious.

That, however, is not the case. Even after a split, the signals that your ex is struggling with are usually hidden from public view. Guys are incredibly hesitant of displaying signs of vulnerability since we’re taught from an early age to “act like men” not to cry like ladies but to be rough and powerful.

Angry man tearing photo of an ex-girlfriend.

The question is, though, how much stronger we indeed are? Due to our lack of openness and communication compared to the girls—or women, if you prefer, we opt to cope with our internal problems independently rather than reaching out to others for support and a listening ear. Movies show us as machos, so we assume we need to look and act that way. As a result, we have to pay the price.

When we’ve had enough of the suffering, fear, and worry, we erupt like a geyser. As a result, our emotional well-being becomes a major priority. Some men lash out in rage, while others wilt in silence. The person’s background, emotional fortitude, and maturity level all play a role here.

Dumpers frequently drink and date after a breakup, while others binge-watch Netflix all day. However, there appears to be a general trend among men and women. The indicators of post-breakup pain are common, so keep an eye out for them if you’re trying to figure out how he feels.

These principles apply to men and women because we are all created equal. Now we will know about signs he is hurting after the breakup.

1. You’ve been unfriended or removed from social media by him

If you think your ex is invincible, you’re wrong. He can but you’re not him, so don’t compare him to you. He is the dumper and you are his victim when it comes to this situation. This suggests that your ex doesn’t feel the same way you do about the breakup. Therefore, the suffering of your ex is not the same as your own.

This man’s misery is the direct result of his vindictive, cold, and angry acts and inactions, as well as his agony, irritation, and dissatisfaction. When your ex ignores and blocks you on social media, you can see how difficult it is for them. It’s so depressing that you don’t need your ex’s words to see how much he’s struggling inside.

Astonished girl browsing her social media account.

It’s important to realize that his reactions to the breakup are almost the exact opposite of yours. The breakdown of your relationship has left you feeling vulnerable and melancholy, while on the other side, your ex is acting solid and detached.

Because he’s at the peak of his mental powers, he’s particularly prone to the powerful yet harmful emotions of rage. This implies that if you beg and plead or intentionally irritate your ex, he may suffer as well.

If you’re being too demanding, your ex-partner may decide to block you due to your behavior. It’s possible that your ex isn’t as content as he seems to be.

2. Your ex is trying to avoid you

You can tell he’s upset if he avoids you like the plague following the split. His fear of addressing you now that the relationship has ended means he’s hurting and inconsolable. Because of his internal conflict, your ex no longer knows how to behave around you.

It’s not in a way that makes him feel at ease or like he’s “normal.” That’s why he’d prefer to pretend he’s OK and that he doesn’t see you just across the street. Whether they’re men or women, people who dump like that lack a few key attributes that a healthy person should have.

They are as follows:

  • strength and maturity
  • a healthy state of mind
  • the ability to think critically and morally

After a breakup, your ex’s conduct reveals how he feels about you and himself. Take note of your ex’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It’s the most basic method of determining whether or not your ex is suffering due to the split.

3. Talking about you in a demeaning way

An early indicator of a broken heart is when your ex’s friends and relatives begin to gossip about you without any regard for your feelings. It’s a common practice among dumpers. You might be wondering, though, why your ex could be wounded by his trash-talking. As you probably already know, individuals project their anxieties, faults, and insecurities onto others.

Upset ex-boyfriend sharing his past relationship.

As a result, they seek out others to confide in to gain their trust and compassion. As is the case with your ex. When your ex is intentionally disparaging you and blaming you, your ex is trying to show himself in a more favorable light than you.

He hopes that by making you appear awful, people will side with him and forget about you. That’s terrible news for your ex since it indicates that he’s still reeling from your split.

4. Negative consequences

After the end of a love relationship, dumpers don’t know that things might go much worse for them. Loss of relationships, friendships, employment, aspirations, and goals can all occur due to depression. People who are dumped may be taken aback by the experience, as they never imagined that they might feel worse after the split.

There is no distinction between dumpees and dumpers when it comes to suffering. Both tend to wax nostalgic about the days when they were together and had each other’s backs. We’ve arrived at the nub of the problem: “Why do dumpers keep returning?” It isn’t a nostalgic recall of the dumped, other than an immediate sense of their loss.

It would be wonderful if reconciliations were as childlike. Dissatisfaction, anguish, and suffering are the most common reasons people return to dumps. So, if your ex shows indications of hurt after a split, it’s likely that they have already selected the ideal apology gift for you. When your ex comes back, you should be wary of his motives since he may be returning to you to alleviate his feelings of anxiousness.

5. Rebounding or failing at dating

Your ex-boyfriend most likely had other plans for the time being and meant to move on to someone else immediately soon. On the other hand, your ex rebounded because he couldn’t find someone he liked or a person who wanted him back.

The new couple is unhappy because of a troubled date.

Is it possible that your ex would not be hurt by the rejection and end of a new love relationship? Having been rejected, your mind, body, and soul know that your ex can’t possibly be feeling any better. In particular, if your ex was dumped by someone he wanted to get to know better, this may be the case.

When a relationship ends, you may feel you are on the verge of death; your ex may feel the same way. Your ex’s use of Tinder immediately after the split or a lack of success in the dating scene are signs that your ex is still grieving the breakup.

6. Impulsive behavior

After a split, it’s common for your ex to act in a rash and selfish manner. Your ex is expressing his feelings in various ways, including threats, outbursts of rage, contact with your new partner, and other acts of retribution.

Instead of acting, he’s reacting, which shows you that he’s hurt. The way he’s doing it is by pushing his impulsive conduct outwards at others. While the source of his grief isn’t sad, it indicates that your ex isn’t happy with where he is currently.

Not if your ex goes to great lengths to forget about his happy life and vent his rage on you in the process. Understand that an ex who no longer cares about you will not stay linked to you after the split. Instead, he will treat you as if nothing has happened, and he may even speak to you in a calm and relaxed manner. That’s why your ex’s behavior after the split is one of the best indicators that he’s still grieving.

7. Your ex is always contacting you

Unlike the other signs, this one is a little more unique. After a split, your ex will try to extort affirmation from you by calling you. Ex would probably do this unknowingly and may even declare that he misses you in the process of doing this.

Ex-boyfriend video chatting and missing his past beau.

However, do not be fooled! When you receive a call from your ex expressing his pain, this does not imply that he is interested in reconnecting with you. Your sympathy and empathy were the only things he could have gotten from you every day.

Since you’ve broken up, your ex understands that he can no longer ask you for emotional assistance. No matter how much he’s relying on you, it would help if you allowed him to take care of his own life, no matter how much he’s hurting.

Even if your ex sends you a slew of messages expressing his remorse about breaking up with you, it won’t make a difference. No matter how much your ex tries to convince you that he has changed his mind about wanting you back, it would help if you remained steadfast.

8. A sense of remorse

Guilt may be upsetting as well. If you’ve got a lousy conscience, you’ll feel a rush of shame whenever you treat someone poorly. Your ex is in the same boat. Exes who have cheated on you or shown they aren’t the nicest people around may now be seeking forgiveness from you.

It makes little difference if your ex calls you from the bar, texts you with apologies, and calls you every day “to check up on you.” It understands that your ex doesn’t see you in a bad light. But unfortunately, it’s quite the opposite. You can see that your ex is wallowing in self-loathing due to his sense of guilt.

As a result, it is common to suggest that the solution to forgiveness lies in the dumpee. When the dumpers can forgive themselves, they are the ones who decide the fate of their dumpees. You may tell he’s grieving after the breakup if he feels awful for treating you horribly and is now consumed by guilt over it. They went backward.

9. Regressing to previous life patterns

Your ex’s life went backward if they stopped eating healthily, gaining weight, not exercising, drinking alcohol, doing drugs, or doing anything else your ex used to do and should not be doing. Instead of moving on, your ex reverted to his old ways and retreated to his familiar surroundings. Your ex’s old habits and routines have returned now that he doesn’t have to impress you anymore.

Man showing drinking problems while smoking a cigarette.

Even worse, they don’t even come close to leaving a positive impression. He understands that your ex’s unhealthy behaviors cannot make him happy when he should be improving rather than frail. But it’s common for breakups to lead to this type of behavior. Things like partying and dating aren’t truly making people happy; they’re just distractions.

As long as their lives are still fresh and exciting, they continue to do so. Eventually, meeting new people, going out for drinks, and dating becomes stale. Dumpers often realize that they may have been pretending to be happy all along.

10. Making the same mistakes again and over again

After a breakup, dumpers don’t usually get better. They may modify a few things, such as who they hang out with or how many beers they can drink, but they don’t alter their personality in any significant way. Their harmful habits and patterns of conduct have been ingrained in them due to their inability to change.

Unfortunately, the causes for their breakup are still there, and they don’t understand it until they are tested. As a result, we may argue that dumpers are forced to handle their issues only when they reencounter them months or years later.

Most individuals have this problem. They don’t learn or improve until it’s necessary. Instead of dealing with their flaws, they wait until they’ve accumulated to the point where they’ll collapse on top of them.

11. He uses social media to convey negative messages

Your circle saw his most recent pessimistic or gloomy social media post of friends. Each of them is a bit more depressed or pessimistic than the other. Since you caused him pain, he has risen to the position of “King of the Women Haters.”

Is my ex hurting?

Men and women behave differently following a breakup. For this article, I’m going to talk about the behavior of a male ex.

Stereotypically, men are likely to act in a very detached way. It could be that they don’t want other people, especially their friends to be able to tell that they are hurting. This is a pride thing. However, there are other signs that your ex may be feeling the negative effects of your breakup.

He may be quick to get angry if you try and pester him too much. If he’s angry, he might be likely to block you on social media. He might also bad-mouth you. This is likely to be because he’s feeling vulnerable and wants to be seen as the better person.

Either way, you need to adopt a positive mantra. “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor, is a good starting point.

Do Guys Ignore You When they are hurt?

To be honest, there is no real easy answer to the question “Do guys ignore you when they are hurt?” There are different reactions for different guys that have different personalities and generalizing an answer to this question would most likely lead you to miss particular nuances from your relationship with him.

However, from my experience, there are certain archetypes of men whom you can more or less expect a reaction from. For the more aggressive guys, they tend to not be silent when they get hurt. They tend to show their feelings and lash out and sometimes this leads to violence.

On the other hand, guys who exhibit more passive traits, tend to keep their emotions to themselves and this causes them to want to be alone when they are hurt or find solace with people that they trust.

However, these two archetypes are merely generalizations based on their personality. There are also other considerations to consider such as the gravity of the hurt as well as the type of hurt inflicted upon him. In order to answer that question, it is important that you understand the person you have hurt and look into the underlying reasons why that particular event or circumstance has hurt them so much.

Is He Suffering As A Result Of The Breakup?

To summarize the symptoms that he is hurting after the breakup, look at him, how he behaves, and what it is likely to indicate. After all, you’re more than likely to be familiar with him than anybody else.

Four-man showing different emotions.

So, what kind of “vibes” are you receiving from him? What patterns of behavior have you observed? Is he joyful, or is it all a bit of a performance on his part? Furthermore, I’d like you to analyze WHY you are so passionate about something. What is the point of it all?

Do you want him to be in pain due to your breakup? And if so, what is the reason behind this? Is it because you’re a woman?

Also, perhaps you are concerned about the possibility of feeling that your connection was one-sided, that he was more important to you than you were to him. Is it partially motivated by ego? Does it help you feel better to know that you are not alone in your struggles now?

You may want him to “pay” for something. He has hurt you and you want him to be pulling right now. You can also be missing him and want him to be in pain because you believe it would increase the likelihood of getting back together.

After a Breakup, What Should You Do If He’s Still Hurting

Putting the jigsaw pieces back together raises the issue of what it all means and what you should do next, becoming increasingly urgent. If the two of you ended up splitting up, does your ex regret it? Or does he repent any faults he did that contributed to the breakup? Is this the reason why he’s still grieving a year after their breakup?

Does he wish he could go back and fix things? Is this a sign that he wants to get back together with you? Is it appropriate for you to contact him? How do you get in touch with him? You’re left with a problem, as a result, so what are the best options when you’re out in the real world?

Before making any decisions, take a deep breath and pause for a moment. Take action straight away. Sometimes the most challenging thing to do and the correct thing to do are the same. Right now you’re looking for an escape — an escape from your pain as well as an escape from his.

However, just because you’re both in pain does not automatically signal that you’re meant to be together. I understand how difficult it is. I’m perfectly aware of the situation. However, while things are still so fresh, the best thing you can do is give it time, give each other space, and concentrate on yourself and your relationships.


I guarantee you that things will become simpler. It will begin to improve day by day as time goes on. Do you want to expedite the process? Do you want to be completely healed? And recover more quickly?

Afterward, click here to get breakup counseling services. But again, you’re not alone, and you’re not powerless in this situation. In addition, there are steps you may take to assist yourself.

After the split, have you observed any evidence that your ex is hurting? Comment to tell us what you think about this story. I’m sending you my heartfelt wishes and words of support. Take care!

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About Hugh Vinson

Hi there! My name is Hugh, and I am the owner and founder of GentlemenCenter. From Texas, USA, and with 2 sons in recent years I have had the experience of raising 2 young men. I am here to share my experiences with you, and help you with any questions you may have!

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