Stop Reaching Out First? Here’s 3 Reasons Why

Did you meet someone off of a dating app? Did you initially hit it off with them only to have them eventually stop responding to your texts? Are you now scouring the internet searching for reasons why your potential love interest has lost all desire to talk to you? Were you the one always initiating conversation with them?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should learn how to stop texting first.

What’s Meant By “Stop Texting First?”

Now before we get to the guide, we have to go over what this phrase actually means.

Couple using smartphones to communicate with each other.

It doesn’t literally mean stop initiating conversation all the time. You want your love interest to stay interested in you and if you’re never texting them first, they may well assume that you’ve lost interest in them. Instead, what you should be shooting for is a nice balance of the both of you initiating conversation.

If they don’t initiate conversation as much as you initiate a conversation, well, they’ve either read this guide or misunderstood it, or they’re just not into you. It’s not a fifty-fifty chance that this is the case either.

Why Shouldn’t I Text First?

Despite all the differences between men and women, there are some similarities between the two in how you should be approaching them. So, yes, this guide can be used no matter your gender.

One of the similarities is how neither men nor women like being smothered with attention, but their motivations behind this are very different. Men aren’t too fond of clingy women, and women aren’t fond of men who seem like they’re too easy to get. Men like their space, women like their challenge. Do you understand now?

Men have their girlfriends by their side.

If not let me spell it out for you in an easy-to-understand, yet very educating, way. If you’re a woman, you shouldn’t text first all the time because men simply don’t feel like talking all the time. If you’re a man, you shouldn’t text women first all the time because it makes you look desperate and easy to get

Texting first all the time is a sure-fire way to make sure your potential lover sees you as too dependent on them, and that’s something you want to avoid. It’s more attractive to make it seem like you don’t really need them in your life because you’re always busy with something.

If you’re texting them first all the time you’re telling them that you have nothing going on in your life. This is going to make them subconsciously think that you need them to validate your existence in the world.

But What If I Don’t Text Them First All The Time and They Find Somebody Else?

We’ve all been there. You find someone you’re really into, and you get super paranoid that if you aren’t talking to them all the time they’ll move on and find somebody else. This paranoia eventually leads to you texting first, or God forbid, making an ass of yourself and over-texting them to the point that you come off as creepy.

This is actually a very important point so pay attention; if you’re texting them first all the time, you’re reinforcing bad habits such as obsessive behavior and anxiety.

Woman crying on the bed.

You need to get out of your own head and find a hobby, to keep your hands busy and away from your phone. Video games, painting, gardening, or even twiddling your thumbs together. If you get into the mindset that you have to be texting them all the time, you’re just going to fulfill your own prophecy of them finding someone else.

If you annoy them, bother them, or make it seem like you’re emotionally unstable, they are going to take that as a red flag and bounce out of your life just as fast as they bounced into it.

When Is It Appropriate To Text First?

Well, there are a few appropriate times to text first. None of the times include asking them “What’s up?”

A Planned Out Date

If you’ve been texting back and forth for a couple of days, it is appropriate to text them first to ask them if they want to go get drinks or dinner. Do not text them first at 3 A.M going “Hey you up?”

This goes for women too. If you’re a woman, don’t text the guy late at night when you know they should be asleep, and especially don’t text them to hang out at that time. Most people are going to take that as an invitation to a booty call.

Excited girl reading SMS text from boyfriend.

Spur of the moment date ideas is a really bad reason to text someone first especially if you’ve just started talking within the past week. This is one of those DO NOT DO moments. If you’re about to text them out of nowhere with a “Hey wanna go do something in like 30 minutes?” you can expect either to be left on reading or an outright “No.”

Instead, text them and explain to them that you have an idea and try to find out when they’re going to be free. If they can’t tell you when they’re free, it’s best to just move on from the conversation. You do not text them first after you get rejected.

Yes, you read that right if they can’t give you a day that they’re going to be free, they’re rejecting you in a polite way. After that, you definitely shouldn’t be texting first. If they change their mind, they’ll come to you.

Sending Them A Picture That You Think They’d Like

This needs to be said because most men are going to take this to men sending their love interest a lewd picture of their unmentionable areas. Do not do this. If you’re a woman, you’re probably safe to send whatever you want if you’re feeling risque because let’s face it, men are going to appreciate it 9 times out of 10.

But a better and more wholesome picture type to send is memes. If you’ve been texting back and forth with your potential mate for a few days, you might have a pretty good handle on what type of humor they’re into.

If you run across a meme you think they’d like (do not search for memes you think they’d like because that’s a little tryhard) go ahead and send it to them and say that it made you think of them.

If They Haven’t Messaged You In A Few Days

A “few” is measured roughly as an amount of 3 or 4. It is perfectly reasonable to text them first if you haven’t heard from them in a few days. It doesn’t make you come off as creepy, and it will give you the option to ask if they’re doing okay.

They may have had something drastic in their life happen, and it’s fine for you to show concern if that is the case. If you message them after a few days and they fail to get back to you, it’s pretty much over at that point and you should find someone else.

How Do I Stop Myself From Texting First?

It was mentioned previously, but the secret to keeping yourself from texting first mostly revolves around you find some kind of hobby. Some people might find it hard to keep from texting first, and this can be caused by a myriad of different unresolved emotional issues.

Turning off a smartphone.

If you find yourself compelled, almost as if someone else is controlling your actions, to text your potential lover all the time, then there might be some deep-seated problems that you should try to get resolved before you start trying to talk to someone.

Regardless, it’s still best to find a hobby that you’re really into. You always want to have something that you can immerse yourself in when you’re not at school or at work.

Whatever it is you decide to make your hobby, will be your personal decision, but a good starter hobby is to pick up an instrument. Not only will it keep you focused on something other than your phone, but you’ll also be able to impress your potential love interest whenever you finally do get to meet them.

A lady painting on canvas.

Another fantastic hobby to pick up is art. Art is a great place to express yourself, while also keeping yourself busy enough to not want to pay attention to your phone. The less you pay attention to your phone, the less you’re going to be tempted to text them first all the time. It’s important to have an outlet, especially when you’re prone to bouts of paranoia and anxiety.

You could also try taking up exercise as a hobby. Exercise is a great way to work your body out while keeping your mind busy enough to not want to text someone first. Exercise has also shown to be very beneficial for those that suffer from anxiety, and anxiety can force you to do things you wouldn’t do at any other point. The serotonin from exercise has been proven to relieve those feelings in a great majority of people.

Another thing you could try doing to prevent yourself from texting first is to find someone else to talk to on a regular basis. Having a friend to keep you company can alleviate some of the anxiety you feel from not texting the person you’re into.

Something else you can do is to find multiple people you think you might be interested in and cycle through talking to them until one eventually decides they want to hang out with you. This is a great technique for not getting hung up on one person, and it gives you more opportunity to see if you can find somebody that matches your personality well.

There’s no reason for you to set yourself up for failure by only talking to one person who might not be interested in you in the long term. Having multiple people to talk to is a good idea in general, but talking to multiple people will allow you to have different conversations on different days, you won’t have to text the same person every day if they don’t feel like talking.

Smiling friends enjoying time together having coffee.

Try turning your phone off and putting it in another room. I know it sounds silly, but there was a study a few years ago that showed how having your phone in the same room with you can cause you to instinctively grab for it even when you don’t need it. Sure they might text you while it’s off, but it would make you look better if you delayed texting them back for a little while.

The last thing you can do to try to keep yourself from texting first all the time is trying to have phone call conversations with them instead. It’s easier to have phone call conversations because you can hear the vocal patterns in their voice. It can also give you your fill of socializing faster than texting can.

If you can satisfy your social needs, you won’t have trouble refraining from texting them first. An even better option is to do a video call with them and have a face-to-face. It’s easier to have a conversation with someone when you can see their face. Seeing their face is better than voice alone because you can kind of read their mannerisms, and plus it’s a good habit to have to video call people before you meet with them anyway.

Does It Really Matter Who Texts First?

Traditionally, it was always up to the man to make the first move. However, over the years things have changed.

There is absolutely no reason why the woman should not be the first one to text after your initial meeting is, be it online or out with friends. That does not mean you have to say that you fancy him. For instance, you can tell him that you enjoyed meeting up and you liked the chat. Wait for a while and see how he responds. When he responds and asks you out on a date, you can take him up on his offer.

Men should try not to be too pushy in the first text. Instead, tell her that you enjoyed her company and would like to see her again. If she would like to see you again, she will get back to you.

The truth is when it comes to texting, the old saying “nothing ventured nothing gained” is very true. So, does it really matter who texts first? Stop worrying, it doesn’t matter. Go with your gut instinct and do what you feel is right.

When Should You Stop Texting?

People are now figuring out how to text one another. The text conversation can quickly become a rapid-fire exchange. It is sometimes difficult to let go of a dear friend. But people don’t want to max out their text limit on their plan.

So they need to know when they should stop texting. The experience can teach people what they ought to know about texting. Try to set an arbitrary limit and then minimize the number of texts sent too.

Woman laughing while reading a text.

The best idea is to find a way to shorten the conversation. Use emojis and letter combinations to minimize the text length. Say goodbye is a short amount of time as well. Plan out what to text and the conversation will flow naturally. Try to end the text conversation when that is possible. The people can make the project work in time. They can also explain their text limits.

In Conclusion

This guide has gone over basically every detail and tips that you’d want to know to stop texting them first. It ranges from hobbies to social skills, and hopefully, you’ve been able to take something away from it.

If there was one last tip that could be given to you to help you along on your personal growth journey it would be this: there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just be yourself, and don’t get hung up on one individual if things don’t happen to work out

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About Hugh Vinson

Hi there! My name is Hugh, and I am the owner and founder of GentlemenCenter. From Texas, USA, and with 2 sons in recent years I have had the experience of raising 2 young men. I am here to share my experiences with you, and help you with any questions you may have!

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