How To Ask Someone Out Over Text: Here’s 7 Ways

Okay, so you like a girl. That’s amazing! Right? I mean it is, but how are you supposed to ask her out? You’re too nervous to ask in person and no one talks on the phone anymore.

That leaves text. You have to ask her out over text, but how? How do you ask a girl out over text? You’ve never done that before, or if you have it wasn’t very successful. Not to mention the fact that it’s usually frowned upon to ask someone out over text.

While it can be impersonal and rude to ask a girl out over text if you do it right then you will have nothing to worry about. All you need is a little help and you’ll be good to go. I’m here to help make the entire situation less uncomfortable and more fun. I’m going to tell you exactly how to ask a girl out over text.


Though, before you even think about asking that girl out you need to have some sense of mutual interest. What I mean by that is that the girl you’re interested in has to be showing you some sort of interest back or you’re just setting yourself up for failure. You don’t want to be one of those guys (or girls, or non-binary friends) that ask out a girl only to find out that they were never even thinking about you too.

That’s embarrassing to both parties and could be devastating to your self-esteem. No one wants that, so make sure she likes you as well by paying attention to her. Get to know her better and if it seems like she’s showing the same kind of interest in you, go for it.

Young man having a crush on a girl.

Honestly, asking a girl out over text isn’t that difficult, but there are a few things that you need to avoid if you want to be successful. Keep these things in mind as you talk to the girl you’re interested in. But also keep in mind that this is subjective and isn’t a sure-fire way to get a girl to go out with you. Every girl is different. These are just basic guidelines.

You want to have some sort of established friendship with the girl that you like before you jump into things. This means talking to her for a while and getting to know her. Find out the things that she is interested in and make sure that you like her for more than what she looks like.

Once you get to know her a bit, try flirting with her some and see how that is received. If things are going well then I would say you should move forward in asking her out. Keep in mind that there is a right way and a wrong way to ask someone out, especially over text.

Seven Things Not To Do When Asking A Girl Out Over Text

1. Aggressive

The first thing that you want to avoid when asking a girl out over text is to not seem too assertive. While some girls like assertiveness, there comes a point when it can come across as aggressive and that is something that you definitely don’t want to happen when you’re trying to woo a girl.

Man texting spontaneously while sitting on his desk.

This can happen very easily in text messages because our emotions aren’t always clear and are subjective to the person reading the message. To you, that excited exclamation point can be harmless, but to her, it might come off as a bit too much. So, just be careful how you phrase things and how you punctuate.

Another thing to avoid to needlessly spamming her. If she isn’t answering you then there is likely a reason behind it. She may be busy and if you continue to needlessly text her over and over you can come across as aggressive and pushy. Wait for her to get back to you and be patient.

2. Lack of Confidence

Never make it seem like she would be doing you a favor to go out with you. What I mean by that is you making it seem like she’s too good for you. This shows her that you lack confidence and self-worth. No one is better than anyone else. It also makes it seem like you want something from her but will give nothing in return.

Relationships are supposed to be equal give and take, so if she thinks that you have nothing to offer then she is more likely to say no when you ask. It can also be offputting when someone doesn’t value themselves as much as they should.

3. Obstrusive

Don’t make a big deal out of it. This is especially true if she tells you no. The last thing that you want to do is make the girl you’re trying to ask out feel pressured and uncomfortable. This is even more true when you’re asking through text message. If you are comfortable with this girl already, then asking her out should be natural and easy.

Stressed woman reading text on a smartphone.

If she tells you no or seems unsure then drop the subject. Things might be awkward between the two of you for a bit, but showing her that you respect her decision will at least salvage some part of your relationship unlike if you push yourself too far and make her uncomfortable.

You can still be friends with the girl you like even if she doesn’t like you back. It’s not a bad thing to be friends if the girl isn’t the one for you.

4. Overconfident         

Just like you don’t want to make yourself seem like you don’t have confidence, you don’t want to seem overconfident. Don’t oversell yourself. You have to be careful with how you present yourself, especially over text since a lot of texting is subjective to how it’s read.

You shouldn’t have to overdo yourself, however, let the conversations with this girl flow naturally. Avoid using too many exclamation marks or emojis. Avoid grand statements altogether. What that means is, don’t tell her how she’s going to feel about something or someone. That’s a recipe for disaster and a surefire way to make her feel uncomfortable.

5. Inappropriate

An important thing to keep in mind when asking a girl out is to keep it professional. What I mean by that is you don’t want to put too much of yourself out there. No girl likes a picture that they didn’t ask for. Basically don’t be inappropriate with this girl. That is very offputting and rude, especially if they don’t specifically ask for the picture you’re sending.

The same can be said about overly sexual texts. If she isn’t asking you to text her like that, then please don’t. It can and will make her very uncomfortable and put her off when you’re ready to ask her out. There is more to a relationship than sex. Get to know her and the things that she is interested in. More importantly, wait until she is ready to pursue more than a civil relationship.

6. Assuming

When it comes to asking a girl out, you should never assume anything. If the girl you’re talking to doesn’t explicitly say something then don’t assume that it is true. Of course, there have to be some assumptions made if she doesn’t flat out tell you that she likes you and you’re trying to figure that out.

But keep in mind that the girl you’re talking to has feelings and thoughts of her own. Basically, let her think for herself when it comes to asking her out, and don’t assume that she’s going to say yes. If she does say yes then the hard part is over, but you should still never assume things about your date unless she tells you.

7. Don’t engage if she’s not interested

Finally, and probably the most important thing you should avoid when asking a girl out at all, but especially over text is something I touched on earlier. Make sure that you have a positive response from her before you even try asking her out. You have to know that she’s interested in you, or at least suspect it enough to make your move.

It can be scary to meet up with a new potential partner for both you and her, but this is doubly true for her. She is likely nervous and uncomfortable. This is doubly true if you’ve only ever talked to her through text.

Make sure she is laughing at your jokes, sending you emojis, and giving you more than one or two-word responses. Basically, she needs to be engaged and it doesn’t need to feel forced or that’s how the date is going to feel.

Make sure that you keep all of this in mind, but don’t get discouraged. The things that I have talked about are important to keep in mind when asking a girl out over text messages, but they aren’t the only things to keep in mind.

There are plenty of different ways to ask a girl out over text and be successful. Always keep in mind that consent is key and if she tells you no, then back off. No one wants someone to keep bothering them after they’ve said no. That’s disrespectful and rude.

If you are getting good vibes from the girl that you’re into and are looking to ask her out make sure that you don’t go into it with too high of expectations. Just because things seem to be going well that doesn’t mean they always will be.

What I mean here is don’t go into the relationship expecting to get married to the girl. Of course, that can and should always be an option when in a relationship, but it can make you seem overbearing and too intense. Get through the first few dates before thinking about anything more.

5 Examples of How to Ask a Girl Out Over Text

1.   Timing

A guy waiting for a text message on his phone.

Timing is everything when asking a girl out over text. Once you’re sure that the girl you’re texting is interested in you, you don’t want to wait too long to make your move, but you also don’t want to seem too eager. Both can be offputting. If she’s sending you the right signals, then go for it, but be nice and polite about it like this guy. He wasn’t too pushy and got a good response, but if he had waited longer then he might not have.

2.    Plan your move

A man daydreaming about a special date for his lady.

When asking a girl out for the first time, you want to be specific with the details of your date. Have everything planned before you ask her. This shows her that you can take initiative and most girls like that. Here’s an example. He already had the date planned before he asked and she was very receptive. Remember, the more appealing you can make the date sound to her, the more likely you are to get a yes.

With that being said, you want to:

3.   Memorable date

Make sure that the date is something you’re both going to be interested in. Chances are that you’ve been talking to this girl for a while now and have some clue as to her interests. Hopefully, you share those interests and can make a date out of them, like this guy. He took something they had talked about before and knew that she was going to enjoy and turned it into a proper date for the both of them.

You also want to make sure that your date is something conducive to conversation, or at least part of it is. Like he did when he asked her to dinner before the concert. What’s the point of a date if you can’t talk to the person that you’re with and get to know them better?

4.    Find other time

Don’t be discouraged if she has other plans through the week or is unsure of her plans. That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want to go out with you, just that she’s busy. That’s okay. You just have to find a time that works for both of you.

If she says she’s busy or unsure about her schedule for the time that you’re asking her out, there is a possibility that she could be letting you down gently, but that’s not always the case.

Businesswoman busy working on office laptop.

See if you can find a time that works for you both or let her suggest a time. If she shows you that she is interested then she will make the effort to go out with you just as much as you are making the effort to go out with her. As I said, it should be easy and fun.

5.    Be Creative

Don’t be afraid to get creative. Girls like it when their potential partner is creative. What I mean here is to make the experience of asking her out as fun as possible. It should be easy and exciting for both of you. You can try a simple word game or even something like this.

Be careful that you don’t overdo it though. You don’t want to come across as something or someone that you aren’t. If being creative isn’t your thing then maybe keep it simple. You don’t want the interaction to seem forced or ingenuine.

A guy guiding his date on their picnic hilltop.

An important thing to remember when asking a girl out is to be yourself. If she doesn’t like you for who you are then she’s not the right girl for you. With that being said, don’t be afraid to ask others for advice if things go south.

What I mean here is don’t rely solely on your own experiences. If you have mutual friends don’t be afraid to go to them and see what they think when it comes to you asking the girl you like out.

How Do You Flirt With A Cute Girl Over Text?

Sometimes sending a message to the girl we like can be quite a challenge, so here are some tips so that it does not become a total disaster:

  • Being boring and predictable when flirting with that particular someone is the biggest mistake you can make. Your text message should be lighthearted and engaging. It’s best not to text him if you can’t think of anything.
  • Women enjoy praises because they make them feel special and valued. So, if you’re able to include some compliments in your communications, do so.
  • Strive to make your messages as personal as possible. This will create a good relationship between the two of you.
  • Annoy her a little. This is a fantastic way to flirt. Create a sense of intimacy between the two of you without overstressing your relationship. But always be respectful in order to avoid offending her.
  • Flirtatiously insinuate yourself. Of course, no flirtatious relationship would be complete without hinting at interesting things.


I hope that you’ve learned something from this article about asking a girl out over text. I also hope that it helps you get the girl of your dreams.

Always remember to be yourself and make sure that the girl you’re talking to is interested before making your move. Don’t be too assertive and don’t get discouraged. This is especially true if she tells you no. Of course, if she does turn you down, don’t keep pressuring her. Move on and find another girl for you. You will find the girl of your dreams, but she may not be it.

One more final tip; don’t just jump into a relationship if it doesn’t feel right. If there’s something telling you that it isn’t right then it isn’t right. You can’t force love. It comes naturally. Keep it casual. Don’t overthink things and have fun.

Remember that dating is hard for everyone involved so make it easier for yourself and her by following my advice. Keep it fun and natural. If you are uncomfortable, chances are that she is too. Asking a girl out is never easy and can be more difficult over text. Keep everything I have said here in mind when you ask her out, especially if you are doing it over a text message.

Have fun and stay safe. Keep in mind that asking anyone out is scary, but sometimes the best things in life are. Get over your fear and ask that girl out through text.

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About Jerome Glover

Hi! My name is Jerome and I am a writer/editor for GentlemenCenter. I have a passion for helping men improve themselves, and I hope my writing will be able to help you in anything you may need!

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