Did you trip and happen to fall in love with a player? Or perhaps, you thought he was a good guy and now you’re questioning your judgment.
Whether you’re with a man who’s making you second guess his intentions or you’re just studying up for preventing future heartbreak, we all know one. Men who are players started out as someone’s brother, friend, father, or cousin and grew up to be someone’s ex, baby’s daddy, cheating husband, or a man with a list of great excuses.
Read on to know the why, learn the signs, and see if there’s a chance he’ll ever step off the court and take a seat on the bench.
Why Do Men Become Players?
Let’s be real, there’s been no scientific study conducted and there never will be. But there are loads of women who you can hear chatting it up and they have a list of reasons why they think it happens. When you total that up there’s enough info to form a few hypotheses.
Maybe it starts in childhood. Maybe their parents didn’t spend enough time with them so they bounced from person to person for attention and it became a part of who they are; attention-seeking, excuses-making, and commitment-fearing grown men. The men that women, unfortunately, encounter more often than not.
For others, let’s fast forward to grade school. Some may have been picked on for their size, then lost weight when they got older. You know, the ones who were last to lose their virginity so they’re making up for it now.
They believe in collecting ladies like quarters. One for every state, one for every year, and then they tuck them away for safekeeping or to look back on with some weird fondness years later. Just to clarify, they don’t get to know the women so they’re not connecting with them as a person, simply an object.
Of course, there’s always the smooth guy. This is the one who was born to play the game. He has all the good lines, the gorgeous face, the seamless walk, the perfect hair and skin, and he knows it. You know from the moment he comes your way. He is a player, a fine athlete and all you want to do is make him yours and only yours. The guy you will think you can change.
The man who toys with women because he literally can’t stand the thought of commitment. He refuses to settle down and is stuck in his frat party days. He can barely take care of himself, let alone a woman, but he always manages to find a few.
And lastly, the most annoying one. The guy with the goofy smile, weird walk, and literally refers to himself as a player. What’s really happening is he started calling himself that because he has a small, you know little, (cough) guy. This guy really doesn’t have a choice. This is the guy the girl never calls back. He had to move on to the next soon-to-be disappointed girl. Not the type of player we’re referring to hear but it’s worth mentioning.
Classic Signs of Men Who Are Players
Treat this information as a roadmap to a destination you do not want to visit.
He will be a man of many excuses. He will have an excuse for why he’s late, doesn’t text back, only visits you on Tuesdays, and they will all be different, and they will all be believable. Some excuses may be a little far-fetched but you’ll be interested in him so you’ll probably even make an excuse of your own. If you’re together long enough, you’ll make all his excuses for him.
When his friends ask why they never get to meet him, you’ll say he’s shy or this gives us a chance to miss one another. Cute, that’s always a cute one. When your parents ask why they haven’t met him yet, you’ll say he travels for work a lot.
When he’s late to meet up with you, you’ll remember what he said about his mom needing his help sometimes. Men who are players are used to telling lies. They only get better each time.
He will not want to go out in public a lot because he would fear running into another woman he’s currently playing or even an ex. That would be detrimental to his game. He won’t be around much during the day, but he’ll be there at night to have his needs met. This means there won’t be late-night convos after sex or morning quickies followed by a movie-worthy breakfast he made you or him pouring coffee in your favorite mug.
His phone will be kept locked and out of sight for the majority of the time, you spend together. He’ll say something along the lines of, ” I just want to spend time with you.” or “I turned it off so work can’t interrupt us.”
He won’t talk about his family much unless you keep bringing it up and he feels pressured to say something. What he does say will be extremely vague or he’ll have some deep story to tell you that will make your heart race and you’ll think it’s the cutest thing you’ve ever heard. You’ll never meet them.
Discussing commitment will be hard. He definitely won’t be the one bringing it up. If you bring it up, his body language will do one of two things. He’ll fidget, look around the room, avoiding eye contact, and he’ll need to go soon.
Or he’ll turn into a statue. He won’t move because he’ll be caught off guard and is so focused on what he needs to say in response that he won’t risk moving around and directing any energy to throw him off his game.
The exception to some of this is the smooth guy. This guy is good at what he does. He’ll have excuses and won’t spend a lot of time with you in public, but he’ll bring you the occasional “Thinking of you” or “Missed you while I was away” gift and take you somewhere out of town.
He may even introduce you to his brother. Of course, his brother knows what he’s up to and probably met someone else just yesterday. He’ll be jealous of his game, but he’ll keep his secrets, smile, and talk you up. He’s the wingman. The smooth guy doesn’t need one but it never hurts to lay on the charm.
Men who are players, know it’s all about the charm, the little things. The things that make you swoon now and cringe later.
How to Deal with a Man Who Plays?
Dealing with men who are players is like finding a fly in your favorite iced coffee halfway through. It sucks cause you already had some, but you’re wondering if you could save it and savor it anyway.
This is a loaded question. For the sake of this article, let’s hope you didn’t marry him or have any kids with him. We’ll stick with the just started dating and fictional relationship scene.
First, you need to be sure that’s what he’s doing. Be realistic with yourself. Have you dated several players before and so you are just assuming he’s one too? Are his excuses real? Does his family live out of town?
He may be working hard towards a career. If that’s the case, he will have his phone out and answer any phone calls when you’re together. He may work late but he won’t only see you one day a week or only at night. There may be times when he can only see you during the day or a couple of evenings a week and they won’t always revolve around sex.
If you really like him. I recommend writing down why you think he’s just toying with you and then going down the list and seeing what could be real and what could be lies. If you determine there’s not sufficient evidence that he’s doing you wrong, proceed with caution.
If you really feel like this man is giving you the run around then it’s time to take action. Never let someone drag you along so they can have fun while you’re living unknowingly in a fantasy. You don’t have to be at his back and call. You have options and you should use them.
If he’s dragged you along for several months, you might be feeling revengeful. If he’s laid on the charm, made you feel like he cares and you’ve confided in him, then do what you want. Sell his gifts on social media so he can see them get auctioned off one at a time. Join the gym and post those sweaty selfies.
Keep dating him and start dating other people, make those same excuses. Set up a public outing with another man so he can catch you on his lunch break. Date his brother. The possibilities are endless.
Be forewarned, selling his gifts or getting caught may not hurt him as he hurt you. Dating his brother, well, it’s tacky but he would definitely be bothered by it.
Or you could just walk away with your dignity. Ghost him. Don’t answer your door, don’t return your calls, don’t acknowledge that he ever existed at all. At least you’ll have some dignity on the exit.
There is a third choice. Women do it all the time. They stay, thinking they can change him. Every sign pointed to a u-turn and a wrong way but they ignored them all. And while I don’t recommend fishing a fly out of iced coffee and pretending as nothing happened I’ll take a sip.
Maybe your right. He just hasn’t met the one yet, and you are it. Tell him to leave his phone out when you’re together. Ask him for his passcode.
Make plans for dinner with your parents in advance and tell him you’ll ride there together. Schedule it to be in an intimate setting like their house, where you grew up. You can show him your old room and share a memory from your childhood. This will help him connect with you on a deeper level and then maybe he’ll feel inspired to do the same.
Offer to go on a lunch date with him near his work. Or ask him for a key to his place so you can fix his favorite meal to enjoy together when he gets off work. Buy tickets to his favorite game, not this one, like a sports team, and surprise him.
Bring up those difficult chats about commitment and your career and family goals. Talk about the place you want to live when you decide to raise your family. Build up to the important things as time goes on. Don’t do this during the first 6 months of the relationship, that would frighten anyone away.
Definitely lay the groundwork to build those deeper connections after a year goes by. It’s one thing to get him to stop dating other women, but it’s an entirely different scenario a year from now to find out he doesn’t want kids and you do. You may find you don’t even like this guy.
In the endgame, it all boils down to what you’re willing to overlook in the early dating phase versus once an actual relationship starts. Sometimes, people think when you met someone and start dating that it immediately becomes monogamous. That’s not necessarily true and really not even a common expectation anymore.
Some people enjoy dating different people while they’re searching for the best match. They may enjoy taking one person to a baseball game, another hiking, and one to do adrenaline-pumping stuff like ziplining. That’s not men who are players, that’s men who are on a mission.
It’s important to clarify expectations and define boundaries after the first few dates. This prevents confusion later on where one person thought they were only dating each other while the other thought they were both seeing multiple people.
It also helps to have this talk before you start having sex. Usually, that’s when some type of feeling begins to form. Nobody wants to develop feelings for someone and later finds they had multiple sex partners during that time.
A man’s intentions in a relationship only occur to what you hold him accountable for. If you allow him to make excuses, not be consistent, and are always letting him slide, he will continue to do so. Moving forward with a plan and knowing what signs to look out for can save you some heartbreak and prevent you from wasting your time.
How Can You Tell A Good Guy From A Player
It is easy to differentiate between a good guy and a player and we will list it out today.
- A player will always compliment about your physical appearance more often but a good guy will compliment more on your attitude and inner self.
- A player will always put himself in front and talk about himself more but a good guy will talk about you more than himself.
- A player tends to be more secretive about his life but a good guy will be open to everything about him.
- A player forgets important things about you like a color you like or food you like but a good guy will remember even a small thing about you.
- A player will not have much time for you unless it is about sex but a good guy will have all the time in the world just for you.
- A player will show aggressiveness and be rude to you most of the time but a good guy will show love all the time.
- A player cheats a lot but a good guy never cheats.
- A player never keep his promises but a good guy always keeps his promise.
- A player doesn’t pay much attention to your problems but a good guy will always be there for you when you are down.
- A player only think about the present time but a good guy thinks about the future.
- A player like to look at other women even when with you but a good guy only looks at you even when there are other women around.
What Are The Characteristics Of A Player
Can you identify a player? Yes, you can through his behavior and characteristics you can tell if he is a player or not.
- If he is being nice to you in private but he changes and ignore you for the most part in public.
- He never let you see his phone.
- He starts showing some distance if any other women are nearby.
- Doesn’t have time when you are free but rather try to have you make time for him.
- If he did have a lot of ex-girlfriends, then he is a player.
- He pays more attention to his appearance especially when other girls are around.
- Doesn’t introduce his family and friends to you.
- If you ask if he dates any other women, he gives unclear answers.
- He does not let you leave your belongings in his house or will make sure he does not even a bit in your house.
- He does not bring your relationship to the next level unless for sex.
- He is not available most of the time unless you are alone.
- He is known to have cheated on other girls before.
How Do You Tell If A Player Has Feelings For You
Players are people who are out to have fun rather than commit to a serious relationship. Let us see the signs that can show a player has a feeling for you.
- When the player starts sacrificing precious time just to be with you.
- If the player stays the night just to chat and be there with you.
- When the player becomes protective, helps you in any situation, and comfort you when you are down.
- The player starts complimenting your character rather than your look.
- The player wants to be there for you and do not bother about sex.
- He wants to meet your friends or want you to meet his friends.
- When the player starts to open up about his past life or secrets.
- He starts to talk about future plans and the way of life.
- When the person still hangs out with you after a few months.
- The player shows tenderness and care if you start having sex.
- He wants to meet your family or invites you to meet his.
- The attention and care he shows is consistent throughout a long period.