What To Do When He Pulls Away? Here’s What You Need To Do

Dating and relationships can generally be hard at times. It is never easy, and no one said it is. At first, we get engulfed in the cycle of love at the first stage of a relationship that leaves us blind and in love.

However, with time things may start changing. Are you the person I am talking about? Have you been feeling like your partner is pulling away from the relationship? Now you are in the right place. In this article, I will explain what to do when he pulls away.

Is He Pulling Away?

First things first, you may want to analyze and figure out if he is really pulling away from you or if you are judging the situation wrongly. Sometimes past experiences may play a role in mediating your partner as distant.

Suppose you were with an emotionally unavailable partner in a prior relationship but didn’t take enough time to heal. In that case, you might be judging your current connection from the lens of the previous one. This also leads to relationship or dating anxiety which most people usually have but don’t pay attention to.

Top view of a woman crying in bed.

Do you constantly worry that your partner is cheating even when you are very aware of where they are and who they are with? Do you feel like your effort in the relationship isn’t appreciated and returned? Are you continuously checking up on your boyfriend constantly? Do you overthink and overreact to everything? Then you could probably be having relationship anxiety. This could lead you to think that your partner is distancing themselves from you when it’s all in your head.

The moment you realize you have relationship anxiety, it’s good to get help from a professional and start working on it. You may want to analyze what brings these kinds of feelings and work on it. But the most important thing is to know that it’s not your fault and you can heal from it.

The other cause of you thinking that your partner is pulling away is you are obsessing over every little thing. When you are in a new relationship, it’s very hard not to obsess over someone. Most people do it without even recognizing it, then end up ruining the dating. This is an unhealthy habit you need to be on the lookout for in your relationship. It may feel like love, but it is not.

Love does not obsess; it frees the mind. Obsessing over someone makes you notice every little thing they do and then throw it out of proportion even when it is not worth being analyzed. In some areas, simply being mad because your man did not respond to your call could be you being obsessive.

The minute you realize you are doing this, you need to stop and find ways to heal from it. The possibility is that your man is not pulling away from you; you are just being too clingy and needy. Understand that they too are human, and they need their own space to go on with their lives, and you too should do the same.

Your life should be moving in their absence, and it should not depend on them. Obsession can ruin an outstanding bond between you and your man. Make rules for yourself that will prevent you from being in that state. You can reduce the time you spend on your phone scrolling through and replace it with something better, like reading or watching a show.

You can also create a time when you will be communicating with your man so that the rest of the day is spent on fruitful habits. The minute you stop this, you will start realizing that he wasn’t pulling away.

Signs He’s Pulling Away

If the above is clear and you are sure that you do not have anxiety or are not obsessing, then in this section, I will take you through signs that he might probably be pulling away as you thought.

Stops being responsive

The first flag he is pulling away is his not being as active and interested as before. You may start noticing that he rarely engages with you as he was in the first stages of the relationship. For example, he’s always destructed when you are with him and does not even pay attention to what you say. You may start feeling like you are putting more effort into the relationship than he is or used to.


Although these are a standard part of any relationship, the consistency of his behavior and the shift of it will let you know he is distancing himself. If he used to make an effort to see you weekly, and now a month can pass by without even asking, that’s a sign. Sometimes you may make plans, then he fails to show up or makes excuses.

He also reduces the act of making plans to be with you. At times essential occasions may even pass, like his mom’s party, without him saying a word to you about it. This happens most of the time when a man is trying to distance himself from a relationship he is not certain about.

Not affectionate

When a man is pulling away, it is basically because his feelings are also fading. When you are with him, you will notice this because it will be more like you are friends. He will be less interested in cuddling up and staying in bed or warming up on the couch. Sometimes you may even be intimate, but the energy will be off because his mind is far away. That close feeling you felt before won’t be there.

Couple distant at each other.

Being Argumentative

You will notice signs of him always picking a quarrel with you. It may even be for something very petty that is not worth fighting over, but he will blow it out of proportion. This can also manifest when you want to share your feelings with him about a critical topic, and he will flip it to make you feel like you are just overreacting.

This is since he has stopped caring about your feelings and is not interested in making the relationship work. This becomes worse when it happens consistently and tears the relationship apart.


Another sign is him being unable to make a decision about literally everything. You may be trying to invite him out to a friend’s wedding, but he takes days to respond since he is unsure of his standing in the relationship and wants to pull out. In this, he becomes distant from you.

You find yourself not spending as much time as you used to together. He makes promises and rarely keeps them and offers excuses for every little. All of these could be signs he is pulling away from you.

He starts seeing others

This is a massive sign that he is pulling away. He will start seeing other people behind your back and may even hook up with them. At this level, he does not see any future between you and him, hence why he is looking for options to replace you.

Signs could be him going out to events without informing you and then you find out from mutual friends that he went with someone else. He will also lose interest in spending time with you. He will be on his phone all the time, and even when you are together, he will be flirting with other people in public, even sometimes in your face.

Young couple laughing and flirting in a music festival.

Tip: The most dominant is that you will feel it in your spirit that something is not right in the relationship. All the above signs will come down to what your heart tells you. That is why you should always pay a keen eye to what your instincts are saying cause, a majority of the time, they are right.

Why Is He Pulling Away?

In any relationship, there are always reasons why things are the way they are. If your man is pulling away from you, possible explanations can explain this.


Most of the time, he can be battling to find out what his genuine feelings are and what he wants, especially if he entered into the relationship in a hurry without knowing if he is ready yet.

He could be trying to take some time to see if it’s the right time for him or he should go back and work on himself first, especially if he has had a sequence of events in his life in the past few years and is not sure which path to take. This, however, should not bother you as it is not your fault nor his.

Fear of falling in love

Is he afraid of catching feelings? Well maybe. You may wonder why a man would be scared of this, but it is expected. If he had past heartbreaking experiences, he could be protecting himself from similar occurrences by pulling away. This can also be caused by upbringing circumstances that may have destroyed his belief in romantic relationships.

If he is emotionally not mature and not ready to deal with feelings, he will pull away to avoid getting any. You will notice he gets uncomfortable when you become too intense with him and sometimes, he’s not ready to be intimate with you.

Awkward couple in bed.

This can also be on your part where he may be uncertain about how you feel about him and therefore decides to distance himself to avoid rejection. When a man is not sure if you like him or not or if you want a long-term relationship or not, he will pull away.

This happens a lot if the girl is not very active in showing the man that she likes him. Communicating with your man about your feelings for him may just solve the problem and pull him into the relationship more.

He is playing

Do you feel like there could be someone else and not just you? Then you may be right. Most of the time, a man will start pulling away from a relationship if there is another person he is engaging with. You will know this as he will stop making time for you; he will care less about what’s going on in your life, making excuses and etcetera. His acceptance of options for him also shows that he is not committed to the relationship.

Commitment Issues

Another reason your man may be pulling away is that he is not ready to commit. This could emanate from his inability to achieve for you and give everything he has to you. This is especially common with men.

He will pull away from the relationship if he is not ready to give it all he has. You can notice this since he is not opening up to you about anything. He will avoid deep conversations about the relationship since he is immature and not ready for such.

Busy Life

This could be a massive issue for most men especially working men. He may be lacking time to give you all he can in the relationship hence coming out as pulling away. If he has a business, a start-up or a job that demands a lot from him, this will be why. His priorities are not well aligned, and he finds it hard to focus on the relationship. Maybe also you are not a priority for him but just another person filling his life.

Young business man siting in a cafe using a laptop.

What To Do When a Man Pulls Away

Don’t do anything

The essential part is to ensure that you stay put and not overreact too early. It would be best to give yourself some more time to analyze his habits and be sure that he is pulling away before you act. As stated earlier, there could be deep-rooted issues within yourself that make you think like this.

Make close observations of his energy towards you and how he feels about you, then weigh it out. This is significant because acting too quickly could lead to you overreacting and running the relationship when it could be his behavior is unintentional.

Keep loving yourself

It would be best to remember that whatever is happening in your relationship does not define who you are as a person. He’s pulling away and does not devalue you or say anything about you. You should stay strong and continue working on yourself while keeping your options open.

However, it would be best if you did not reciprocate his energy. It would be best if you did not show any passive-aggressive behavior as it may end up making the situation worse and make you come out as immature. You should keep your sense of self-worth intact and act desperate for his attention or affection. This is since you are still unsure of the situation.

Smiling and energetic woman while traveling.

Give him space

The best thing to do is to give him the space he so desperately needs. If he is trying to figure things out then it is best if you don’t interfere and try to act like the savior of the relationship. This will usually lead to a one-sided relationship where you make all the effort to save it, but he doesn’t care. If he were meant to be he would come back. This will also give you time to get a clear perspective of what you want for yourself.

What Do You Say When A Guy Pulls Away?

After analyzing your feelings and what you want for yourself, it is good to be clear with him about that. Communicating with him is the best part of this stage. However, the conversation should not be a blame-to-blame game but rather an informative session of trying to figure out what could be the issues in the relationship.

Let him know what your feelings are and what your stance is on the relationship. It would be best not to give him any signs that you think he is cheating or not ready to commit to you.

In most circumstances, letting him speak and not putting words in his mouth will make him open up. You should also check your tone in the conversation to avoid being angry since it is an uncertain issue. It would be best if you did not make signs of you having better options than him or try to bring up a fight in this part.

Sometimes accepting the situation and walking away is the best reaction. If he cares, he will open up and try to resolve the issue. If he doesn’t, then he won’t care.


Your well-being is more important than anything else to wind up all of that. If your man is pulling away from the relationship, then the best things to do and not to do have been stated above.

Remember that it’s not your fault and the status of your relationship does not say anything about who you are as a person, especially if you have been doing the best you can to save it from the worst outcome.

Whatever happens at the end should be for your good to propel you ahead in life. Leave your comments below.

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About Hugh Vinson

Hi there! My name is Hugh, and I am the owner and founder of GentlemenCenter. From Texas, USA, and with 2 sons in recent years I have had the experience of raising 2 young men. I am here to share my experiences with you, and help you with any questions you may have!